From the Washington Post 9/14/2020
“[The President] proposed the federal government spend millions of dollars on a professionally directed and produced a documentary about the administration’s race to develop vaccines that he wanted to air at film festivals, said a senior administration official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity.”
Managing the Presidential Image: Mainstream media and late-night comics have hi-jacket the image issue with a relentless stream of baseless negatives about the president. Roger Stone recommended to us that we take a page out of Mussolini’s image management. He famously noted that everyone in the world likes Americans because they see heroic Americans in movies. So he built the Cinecitta Studios to do the same for Italians. It worked, just not in his lifetime. To build on this idea of movie heroes, various projects have been underway for the last six months and are now ready for release. It was decided that, with computer-generated imagery, we don’t need a studio. Hence, prepare for a pre-election blitz of the following:
THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE:
It begs the question. What’s so bad about the Russians planting their guy in the White House if the guy Makes America Great. We are going with the 1962 original. Donald Trump’s face and voice have replaced Frank Sinatra. For the MAGA ending, we spliced into Mr. Smith Goes to Washington with the President in Jimmy Stewart’s place.
We think we can shift the serial rapist thing by featuring him in a romantic favorite. The President is Humphry Bogart and he’s a noble enough guy to give up the girl at the end. Melania wouldn’t let us use her face instead of Ingrid Bergman unless she got another re-negotiate on her prenup so she’s out. We are replacing Colonel Strosser with Nancy Pelosi. You’re going to love Ben Carson as Dooley Wilson singing “As Time Goes By.”
We were tossing around some movies with Jesus in a feature role and the President pointed out that Jesus was merely second in command. We then came up with a shortlist of films where he could be God, but getting rid of George Burns’s cigar proved difficult. So we just stuck with “Greatest Story Ever Told.” The problem is that the President insisted that the story ends with Jesus kicking Pontius Pilate’s ass, Bruce Lee style. And with Jerry Fallwell out of the picture, we’re not sure who would convince evangelicals that it quite likely happened that way ‘cause Jesus is certainly no loser.
HIGH NOON: Choosing this one was a no brainer. Heroic sheriff risks it all to save the town. And there are lots of bad guys he can kill along the way. Trouble is that the president has a different enemy’s list every day depending on who Wolf Blitzer was interviewing that morning, so we spent a lot of time changing a bad guy to Hillary, then to Bernie, then to Chris Wallace, then to Micheal Cohen, then to Bob Woodward. Another bad guy became Chuck Schumer became ‘The Mooch became . . . well you get the idea. So we have 17 versions ready to go spending on the mood of the day.
We replaced Roy Scheider with President, but the problem was that when we showed it to several test audiences, at the last big showdown scene between the President and the shark, they all broke out into spontaneous shouting of “Eat him! Eat him! Eat him!”
GONE WITH THE WIND:
Of course, President Trump replaces Rhett Butler. But he wanted some changes. War profiteering and draft-dodging seemed a bit close to home. And the whole thing about the South losing. So get ready for this. What red, white and blue loving real American wouldn’t like to see Sherman’s army burn New York City.